Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Big Three-Oh!

The changes are unstoppable and unavoidable. They just keep on coming. So far, this month I have:  had a child move out, got out of marriage limbo, had major surgery, changed offices, changed my hair color, started eating a completely new way, started a new workout routine, looking for a new place to live AND lost 27lbs. For those of you math challenged, that’s three pounds away from 30 lbs. lost.

This got me thinking about 30.The age of 30 was a big year of changes for me, too. It was the year I left Texas.  I left Friday’s and joined Safeco.  I moved in with my mom and moved out six month later into my very first home of my own (with Ty & Kyle, of course). I met my best friend, Jenn. I met my soon-to-be ex-husband. I went through a total transformation. I guess I shouldn’t ever be surprised by the amount of change I can handle.

I am just a little over a year from turning 40 but have decided to stick to 30. I have nothing against 40…but I am not there yet. I am starting over at 30 again. This makes total sense to me. 40 seems too old for major life changes. I haven’t even had a chance to get stuck in my ways!

What does 30 year old Kristin look like? Smokin’ hot, healthy body; cute, little house in a trendy neighborhood (goodbye Highlands Ranch HOA Gestapo); happy, healthy boys leading fulfilling lives (not living with me), fabulous career and Seth MacFarlane….OK…well, maybe not THE Seth MacFarlane, but a sexy, fun, Liberal, Atheist, movie/TV/music/book/trivia buff, with a strong sense of humor who actually gets my jokes without additional explanation. Wealthy and well hung are nice to haves, but not a requirement (actually …on second thought…wealthy is a nice to have, well hung is a requirement!)) I figure I can afford to take my time and be picky right now. I have promised myself (and Jenn and my Mom)  I won’t start my search for Mr. Perfect until I am at goal weight. I figure I can’t expect my version of the perfect guy until I am my version of my perfect self. I owe Seth MacFarlane that much.

In the mean time, I will “roll with the changes” as REO Speedwagon so eloquently put it (BTW…I am pretty sure this is the first documented time “REO Speedwagon” and “Eloquently” have been used in the same sentence.) I will embrace all the good things that are happening and turn the bad into a learning experience.

The one thing that has been constant through all of this is my amazing friends and family. I am so blessed (and you know I *NEVER* use that word) to be surrounded by friends, family, co-workers, FB friends and on and on. You guys are what make change tolerable. You are the ones who give me strength and keep me smiling.

I hope you all plan to join me in Vegas January 2013 to celebrate my 40th 30th birthday! Until then….roll with the changes!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What a Difference a Day Makes!

I woke up today determined to make the choice to be happy…no, THRILLED…about my current situation. I reread my last blog entry and got really pissed at myself. What a fucking cry baby I am! I should be celebrating right now, not lamenting the loss of KFC, Ben and Jerry and Dr. Pepper. I look around me and see so many things to be overjoyed about. I have been very lucky in my life. I am ashamed that the thought of not being able to binge on wings and fries would get me down. I am better than that!

I decided to list the things I am grateful for….and I just had to add some things that annoy me because this all can’t be whimsical.

Things I am Grateful for (in no particular order):
  • Grooveshark
  • The dog park
  • My boobs (I hope I get to keep them!)
  • Target
  • Whey Protein
  • My new car
  • Mommy
  • My beautiful home with kick ass party decks (oh yeah…I have two!)
  • My Boys (please see this under things that annoy me, too)
  • Droid
  • Seattle
  • Fantasy Football (specifically, my QB Aaron Rodgers)
  • My friends and family
  • Sugar free popsicles
  • Bath and Body Works
  • Jimi Hendrix
  • Seth MacFarlane (will he ever know how much I love him?)
  • Pedicures
  • Jenn (these are in order…because I know that bitch’s feet need some attention, too!)
  • Scented candles (anyone who’s been to my house knows this is an addiction)
  • George St. Pierre

Things That Annoy Me (in no particular order)

  • People who use "literally" incorrectly. That, literally, makes me want to stick my pen in my eyeball
  • Any modern pop singer
  • Not trusting a fart
  • People who don’t know how to use the self check-out
  • Teenagers
  • People who use quotes “incorrectly”
  • My Boys
  • People who stop in a merge lane. Fucking MERGE already!!!
  • Texting and driving
  • “Plus size” Halloween costumes
  • People who drop in to see me, but are really only there because the bathroom outside my office is closed for cleaning and they are just really waiting to pee. You don’t fool me. 

I am sure there is more but I really wanted to focus on the positive of the day. I am down 22lbs. I think that number made it all worth it. Now…I can’t WAIT to get make into my full workout routine! I will see that number drop more AND I will fell stronger, sexier and more confident

If I could only trust a fart….life would be perfect.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sucks and the City

One week down, a lifetime to go.

At this time last Tuesday I was waking up in the recovery room with a bad ass high and the feeling that I had just been shanked. Today, the bad ass high is gone but the feeling I have been shanked (physically and emotionally) is still here.

I don’t think I was fully prepared for the next steps. I was so focused on my ultimate result that I never considered the transition phase; the actual hard work that comes with this level of transformation. I feel depressed and lethargic. I don’t know if it’s the lack of calories, lack of social interaction or just plain, old detox that I am going through, but it sucks!

And speaking of sucks…everything I take in has to, theoretically, be able to pass through a straw. Yup, two weeks of liquid proteins only.  Now, usually the thought of sucking liquid protein  would appeal to me, but for two weeks straight? Ugh! I have actually considered what a blended Whopper would taste like. So far, I have decided against the pureed burger approach, but by next week I may change my mind. My dietician recommended pureeing meat with a broth or low fat gravy. Are you fucking kidding me? That skinny bitch actually suggested this. Mmmmmm…prime rib au jus frappachino!

So…between my Beef Carpaccio slushies, emotional crying jags, lack of sex (sorry, Mom but it’s true) and general bitchiness…I have to ask myself: Is this all worth it? This is not me! I am happy and joyful and positive. Oh Shit! What if this is the person I am becoming? What if I am a total negative asshole? Would I rather be fat and happy or a thin asshole? I desperately hope this doesn’t last.

I am waiting for happy to happen. Is happiness a goal weight or size? Is it wearing 6’’ Christian Louboutins? Is it competing in another triathlon or completing a 14neer? Or maybe it is just the choice I make every day to do better for myself. Damn it! Happiness is not passive. It is something I have to focus on and choose each day. As lost, alone, sad, hungry, deprived and down as I feel, I have to choose to snap out of it! I have to push through as part of the overall transformation.

Or…maybe I just need a hard, long, think tube of liquid protein.