One week down, a lifetime to go.
At this time last Tuesday I was waking up in the recovery room with a bad ass high and the feeling that I had just been shanked. Today, the bad ass high is gone but the feeling I have been shanked (physically and emotionally) is still here.
I don’t think I was fully prepared for the next steps. I was so focused on my ultimate result that I never considered the transition phase; the actual hard work that comes with this level of transformation. I feel depressed and lethargic. I don’t know if it’s the lack of calories, lack of social interaction or just plain, old detox that I am going through, but it sucks!
And speaking of sucks…everything I take in has to, theoretically, be able to pass through a straw. Yup, two weeks of liquid proteins only. Now, usually the thought of sucking liquid protein would appeal to me, but for two weeks straight? Ugh! I have actually considered what a blended Whopper would taste like. So far, I have decided against the pureed burger approach, but by next week I may change my mind. My dietician recommended pureeing meat with a broth or low fat gravy. Are you fucking kidding me? That skinny bitch actually suggested this. Mmmmmm…prime rib au jus frappachino!
So…between my Beef Carpaccio slushies, emotional crying jags, lack of sex (sorry, Mom but it’s true) and general bitchiness…I have to ask myself: Is this all worth it? This is not me! I am happy and joyful and positive. Oh Shit! What if this is the person I am becoming? What if I am a total negative asshole? Would I rather be fat and happy or a thin asshole? I desperately hope this doesn’t last.
I am waiting for happy to happen. Is happiness a goal weight or size? Is it wearing 6’’ Christian Louboutins? Is it competing in another triathlon or completing a 14neer? Or maybe it is just the choice I make every day to do better for myself. Damn it! Happiness is not passive. It is something I have to focus on and choose each day. As lost, alone, sad, hungry, deprived and down as I feel, I have to choose to snap out of it! I have to push through as part of the overall transformation.
Or…maybe I just need a hard, long, think tube of liquid protein.