Monday, December 12, 2011

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.-Albert Einstein

The hardest thing about breaking a pattern is breaking it.

I know, I know. That’s some deep, metaphysical shit.

Here’s the dilemma: The reason you are in a pattern is because you are doing things the only way you really know how. To break a pattern, you have to do something different, something outside of your comfort zone or maybe something you haven’t even thought. It is so hard to see outside of your world. It is really hard to do something you haven’t tried or yet conceived.

In doing a lot of in depth, soul searching, I have discovered my whole life is patterns.  I have amazing ideas and poor follow through. I fall in love (practically instantly) and ignore red flags for the sake of my perception of some cosmic connection. I get bored easily. I rely on others for my self-worth. I will put just about everyone and everything before myself. I park in the same place every day (OK…let’s be honest, this one is so I won’t lose my car. I can remember all the artists and titles of every song ever written, but I can’t find my fucking car on a daily basis). I workout daily at the same time, to the same music on the same machines. I still sleep on “my” side of a king size bed (granted I replaced a man with a large dog on the other side…so my options are limited). What things should I change to break my patterns?

That’s not a rhetorical question. I genuinely don’t know how to change. I know (or like to think I know) a lot about a lot. In fact, many people don’t even WANT to hear my opinion on things (I am as shocked as you are).Self improvement is NOT one of my strongest traits. Going through as many life changes as I am…I had better figure it out.

There is a theory in Psychology by Leon Festinger called Cognitive Dissonance. Cognitive Dissonance is a discomfort caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions (thanks Wiki for the description). My description is a little easier:  Change your thinking and your behavior will follow. I have deduced that conversely, if I change my behavior, my mind will follow. In others words, if I play the role of the girl who has her shit together, eventually my shit will come together. Make sense?

(Dear Mom and Dad…aren’t you glad you paid for college? That little nugget is worth about $17,000)

SO…that brings me to the next question: Where do I start? Should I switch to the other side of the bed? Should I say, “No” when everything in my mind, body and soul is screaming, “Yes”? Maybe change my workout routine to some Country music (OK…that’s NOT going to happen)? Go after things I wouldn’t have gone after before OR leave things alone that I would have regularly perused? AND…really…to whoever is good enough to read my verbal diarrhea thus far, I would love your input. Where to start?

I think in the mean time I will start with the George Costanzia Theory of Everything: Whatever I think I should do, I’m gonna do the opposite.

One last word to Jenn: Tippy-god damn-Toe!


  1. I'd start off with changing small things like parking in the spot next to it. Listen to someone else music while working out. Change your machines your using. Sleep in the middle of the bed(which is what I do now) Little steps will allow you bigger steps in the future when you see that change doesnt hurt and isn't scary.

  2. It took awhile to get use to, but sleeping in the middle of the bed and not having a side was freeing for me in a strange sort of way. Keep faith I know you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. The encouraging thing is that emotional intelligence can be learned. :-) I have some books, quick reads that have helped me to trust my inner voice and what it takes to become a "change artist".

  3. I have personally never been one to be in a "rut". I pretty much do what I want, when I want, how I want. I'm not trying to sound selfish here, just a small sneak peek into the swirling depths of chaos and true introspective natured mind. The way I see it, there are only two ways to go about this. JUMP in HEAD first, or don't do it at all. I have found (mainly through my own personal experiences) that BAD habbits are the hardest to break, I know that I have ahd more than my fair share, so the best way to eliminate them, is to do it in one fell swoop. You just have make sure that it is something you REALLY want to do. It can be done, I'm living proof. SO, simplest way, JUMP head first, JUMP blindly, DON"T woory about the consequences. Everything always works out eventually.