The hardest thing about breaking a pattern is breaking it.
I know, I know. That’s some deep, metaphysical shit.
Here’s the dilemma: The reason you are in a pattern is because you are doing things the only way you really know how. To break a pattern, you have to do something different, something outside of your comfort zone or maybe something you haven’t even thought. It is so hard to see outside of your world. It is really hard to do something you haven’t tried or yet conceived.
In doing a lot of in depth, soul searching, I have discovered my whole life is patterns. I have amazing ideas and poor follow through. I fall in love (practically instantly) and ignore red flags for the sake of my perception of some cosmic connection. I get bored easily. I rely on others for my self-worth. I will put just about everyone and everything before myself. I park in the same place every day (OK…let’s be honest, this one is so I won’t lose my car. I can remember all the artists and titles of every song ever written, but I can’t find my fucking car on a daily basis). I workout daily at the same time, to the same music on the same machines. I still sleep on “my” side of a king size bed (granted I replaced a man with a large dog on the other side…so my options are limited). What things should I change to break my patterns?
That’s not a rhetorical question. I genuinely don’t know how to change. I know (or like to think I know) a lot about a lot. In fact, many people don’t even WANT to hear my opinion on things (I am as shocked as you are).Self improvement is NOT one of my strongest traits. Going through as many life changes as I am…I had better figure it out.
There is a theory in Psychology by Leon Festinger called Cognitive Dissonance. Cognitive Dissonance is a discomfort caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions (thanks Wiki for the description). My description is a little easier: Change your thinking and your behavior will follow. I have deduced that conversely, if I change my behavior, my mind will follow. In others words, if I play the role of the girl who has her shit together, eventually my shit will come together. Make sense?
(Dear Mom and Dad…aren’t you glad you paid for college? That little nugget is worth about $17,000)
SO…that brings me to the next question: Where do I start? Should I switch to the other side of the bed? Should I say, “No” when everything in my mind, body and soul is screaming, “Yes”? Maybe change my workout routine to some Country music (OK…that’s NOT going to happen)? Go after things I wouldn’t have gone after before OR leave things alone that I would have regularly perused? AND…really…to whoever is good enough to read my verbal diarrhea thus far, I would love your input. Where to start?
I think in the mean time I will start with the George Costanzia Theory of Everything: Whatever I think I should do, I’m gonna do the opposite.
One last word to Jenn: Tippy-god damn-Toe!