Monday, April 30, 2012

It's My Pity Party and I'll Bitch If I Want To....

“This is a tough decision here. Get my ass kicked or collect $200. Let me think... I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be very honest with you....” -My Cousin Vinny

When I was watching this movie the other day I thought to myself, “Yeah, I could use a good ass-kickin’, too”

I let my expectations interfere with my reality too much. I build up things, people and places in my head and have the nerve to be upset when those nouns fail to meet my elevated expectations. I set these lofty ideals, instead of being realistic, and then get upset when my reality gets in the way. I can never seem to appreciate nouns for what they are. For that, I need an ass kicking.

I need my ass kicked for not appreciating how wonderful my true reality is. I seem to live in this pit of despair over my never-ending divorce that has officially become more expensive than the actual wedding. I feel like a kid in detention, not being able to go play at recess on this stupid, injured foot that I refuse to see a doctor about.  Most notable evil, I found myself HATING, absolutely SEETHING angry over this poor physically handicapped woman born without half a body and her sweet fiancé. I feel I have crossed the line from bitter to hater.

Finally, I need to have my ass kicked for self-pity. What a wasted emotion that is! Is it human nature or just my nature to INSIST on seeing all the bad in my world and not all the things I can be happy about? I have so many things to be happy about, my job, my friends and family, my health (minus this injury that I am more annoyed with than anything else). So, I wonder, what exactly would make me happy?

Maybe it’s not about achieving a goal? Maybe it’s removing the, “I’ll be happy when (I get a promotion, reach 155lbs, have a vacation, met the perfect guy for me, etc.) from my though process. What if I try saying, “I *AM* happy when (I make healthy choices, I get to laugh with and snuggle Ty and Kyle, I get to spend time with my friends and family, playing with my dog, working on a great, fun, hard project at work, being there for other people, etc) You know, it was easier to write that list. What if instead of turning these guys down, I actually give one of ‘em a chance and go out on a date? That might increase my odds of meeting that great guy, one who really wants to be with me, not just “wants to be friends” or just wants to nail me….but a combination of both!

This weekend was a great one. Yeah…I couldn’t go for a run or go to the gym or take Sunny for a hike or going out to a bar or club. Instead, I spent time with some really dear friends, just hanging’ out. I had a wonderful time just being with people who I care a lot about. That’s enough for me.

This is not about lowering my expectations, but actually being happy with everything I have.

For all those reasons, I need a good ass kickin’ to put me back on my positive course. I can’t let these challenges and disappointments continue to haunt me. Now it’s just my fault if I let obstacles stop my forward progress.

No more self-pity! It’s for the weak!


  1. Thought provoking and insightful as always, dear one. You are DA BOMB!

  2. \Bam/ That just happened. Oh, 4 years ago. Lol. Love it, though.