I have always wondered, “Why?” I remember being very young and constantly asking “Why?” At one point in my young life my Dad just started answering with some bullshit, made up answers. He always answered me with confidence and I always believed him. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized, he didn’t know “why” either, but he was really good at making shit up in order to shut me up. Good plan.
Now it just goes on in my own head all the time. It is like living with a three year old in my brain that never shuts up:
Why does that person not know how to drive?
Why did she choose to wear that outfit?
Why does she not have any friends to tell her not to wear that outfit?
Why it is whenever the most embarrassing music on my playlist comes on (Backstreet Boys) is the exact moment someone walks into my office? (Please note you can substitute “I fart” for “the most embarrassing music”)
Why do I have a beautiful, petite mother and a giant, hulk of a father and I get the linebacker genes?
Why do I lose weight EVERYWHERE but my ass and boobs, making me look even more disproportionate?
Why do I sometimes still miss him?
I have myself convinced that if I know the “why” behind everything that happens in my life, I’ll be satisfied. It’s not the case. There is always another “why”.
I think this constant need for an input stream is why I have never seen, “The Big Bang Theory”, “Game of Thrones”, “True Blood” or any other “You HAVE to see (fill in the blank)” shows. No, I haven’t seen it. That is because I am home watching ridiculous documentaries or the freak shows on TLC. So, I may not be able to comment on pop-culture, but I can tell you how they fixed the Indian kid with the parasitic twin and how Kenedee, the primordial dwarf is doing in kindergarten.
I don’t mind the constant drive to learn. It has always been a part of me. I am so curious about everything. I’m sure people find it annoying that I am always “interviewing” them. AND, not just regular questions like, “What do you do for a living?” but really, deeply personal questions like “WHY did you choose that career?” I have always been *too* open, so I make the poor assumption that everyone is like that. I find myself climbing out on a limb and looking back to see I am alone out there. Not everyone is always so forth coming. I think that tells me I am too "out there" for most peoples' taste.
I had a conversation with friend a couple of weeks ago, telling me the “why” of a decision he had made. I said to him, “The reason why doesn’t matter if the outcome is the same.” That’s pretty good advice. Why can’t I live with that? (See what I did there) I want everyone to be transparent to me. Is that a control issue or is it because I am just uncomfortable with people when I feel like they are hiding something.
I think I will actively engage my “why” filter to see if it works. I pledge not to ask the *reason* for something unless it is imperative I know the answer. I’m going to try this for one week. This is going to be an interesting experiment. I will report my findings next week!